The most chaotic streamer on the planet is heading to China’s tech megacity. Will he try to buy fake GPUs in Huaqiangbei or reenact his Barcelona shirtless run at Dameisha Beach?
[WARNING: HIGH-ENERGY CONTENT AHEAD]
iShowSpeed—the human embodiment of internet chaos—has confirmed his next destination: Shenzhen, China. Fresh off getting kicked out of Macau Tower for screaming “Qī Lǐ Xiāng!” (Jay Chou’s “Qi Li Xiang”), the unhinged streamer is now set to unleash his signature brand of madness in the heart of China’s Silicon Valley.
Local netizens are already placing bets on where (and how) Speed will cause maximum mayhem. Here’s the ultimate “Speed Survival Guide” for Shenzhen:
🔥 TOP 3 PLACES SPEED MIGHT DESTROY (According to the Internet)
1. Huaqiangbei Electronics Market
“Yo, this RTX 4090 got warranty or nah?”
If Speed storms into the world’s biggest tech bazaar, expect:
- Him throwing a GPU like a frisbee to “test durability”
- Aggressively haggling in broken Mandarin
- Ending the stream with a tearful “See You Again” duet with a random shop owner
2. Dameisha Beach
“CR7, I’M COMING FOR YOU, BRO!!!”
Given his history of stripping down for Ronaldo tributions, Shenzhen’s public security might need to:
- Deploy extra lifeguards
- Install signs: “No sudden shirtless SIUUU celebrations”
- Just give him a DJI drone and pray he stays occupied
3. Tencent HQ (Glass Skyscraper Edition)
“GIVE ME FREE SKINS, RIOT!!!”
If Speed realizes League of Legends’ parent company is right there, he might:
- Faceplant into the lobby glass
- Attempt to sing “Lonely Warrior” (the unofficial LoL anthem)
- Demand Tencent employees “V him 50” for in-game currency
🎮 THE “SAFE” ITINERARY (What His PR Team Wishes He’d Do)
✔ Ping An Finance Centre (Observatory Deck)
—Let 1,300 ft of altitude humble him into temporary calm. Bonus: A “Goose Goose Goose” poetry recital at the top.
✔ OCT East Thrill Rides
—Lock him on “Snow Eagle” rollercoaster for 10 consecutive rides. Physics > chaos.
✔ Yantian Night Market (Grilled Oysters Stall)
—Spicy garlic sauce = the only known Speed silencer.
💥 SHENZHEN NETIZEN EMERGENCY PREP
- Esports hotels: Reinforce soundproofing
- Shenzhen Metro Line 3: Pre-record “No sudden SIUUs in the train” announcements
- Local CR7 fans: Temporarily switch to Messi merch for self-preservation
📢 LEAKED INTEL (From ‘Sources’)
Rumor has it Speed’s team contacted Shenzhen’s “Subject Three” dance crews. A “hyper-remix” of the viral Haidilao noodle dance at Super Wenheyou might be imminent.
#ShenzhenTourism #iShowSpeed #SpeedVsChina
(Comments section preemptively equipped with cyber riot shields. Do NOT tag Shenzhen Traffic Police.)
Meme Suggestions:
- Speed’s deranged face photoshopped onto Shenzhen landmarks
- A Huaqiangbei vendor “exorcising” Speed with a fake GPU
- Fake PSA poster: “How to Handle International Internet Menaces (Guidelines by Shenzhen Authorities)”
